How to Love Annoying People
Are you struggling with how to deal with someone you consider annoying? Candace Echols with TGC has some helpful advice in her most recent article on how to love annoying people. (more…)
Hey There, Judgy McJudgerpants!
There are two types of judging.
- Judging an individual’s heart-motives which is directly tied to condemning them.This is the kind of judging that Jesus, Paul, and James sharply denounce. It’s the judgment of the heart.
- The other type of judging is the act of evaluating the morality of an action or the rightness of a word, statement, or teaching. Not according to one’s own personal preferences, the dictates of their conscience, or the standards of their denomination, movement, or Christian tribe (e.g., Colossians 2:16; Romans 14), but according to the standards of Jesus Christ as spelled out in His Word.
So it’s right to evaluate the merits of an action based on what the New Testament clearly teaches. But it’s wrong to judge a person’s motives.
The Need For A Consistent Sexual Ethic
I have only two options to deal with the tension of asking someone feeling gay longings to do something as difficult as pursue celibacy:
1. Give him and everyone else a pass for cross-less Christianity, what Bonhoeffer called “grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.”
2. Call everyone to bear the cross in the area of his or her sexuality.
I must force a clear choice. As Joshua told his fellow citizens: “You are not able to serve the Lord, for he is a holy and jealous God” until you “destroy the idols among you and turn your hearts to the Lord, the God of Israel” (Josh. 24:19,23). Here’s how our church is trying to do that, often with struggles and still with much to learn.
Hey Christian, You’re Not As Likely To Divorce As You Thought You Were
This is a game-changer. Talk about “an old wives’ tale.” You’ve heard it said that 1) 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce; 2) most marriages that do happen to make it are, nonetheless, unhappy, and 3) Christians are just as likely to divorce as non-believers.
Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard-trained researcher and author. In her recently released book, “The Good News About Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths about Marriage and Divorce,” Feldhahn details groundbreaking findings from an extensive eight-year study on marriage and divorce. Among other things, her research found:
- The actual divorce rate has never gotten close to 50 percent.
- Those who attend church regularly have a significantly lower divorce rate than those who don’t.
- Most marriages are happy.
- Simple changes make a big difference in most marriage problems.
- Most remarriages succeed.
“The 50 percent figure came from projections of what researchers thought the divorce rate would become as they watched the divorce numbers rising in the 1970s and early 1980s when states around the nation were passing no-fault divorce laws.”
Apologize Your Way To Christlikeness
Apologies demonstrate that someone is truly living by Christ’s life, for it takes uncommon insight for a person to recognize when they’ve mistreated another human being (which is usually rationalized in their minds) and deep humility to let them know that you’re sorry for what you’ve done.
An apology provides fertile ground to renew our relationship, which has been lost.
Here are 3 reasons why disciples of Jesus should apologize to others whenever we treat them in a way we wouldn’t want others to treat us. (There are others, but these three stand out in my mind right now)…
Church As Matchmaker: It Takes A Family To Make A Family
It is not good for a man to be alone and he who finds a wife finds goodness, but it takes the beauty of a family to see the goodness far below the surface and in the crevices of these clay jars. Church, be that family, be the mothers and father, the sisters and brothers. Guide them, protect them, show them what is true and good and honorable in marriage, and then, please, help them get there.
7 Things Every Christian Should Know About Same-Sex Attraction
May I make two requests? Continue to love me, but remember that you cannot be more merciful than God. It isn’t mercy to affirm same-sex acts as good. Practice compassion according to the root meaning of “compassion”: Suffer with me. Don’t compromise truth; help me to live in harmony with it.
I’m asking you to help me take up my cross and follow Jesus.
Why Women Must Keep The Standards High When Looking For A Husband
Porn is so prevalent, according to Regnerus, that if all Christian women left their boyfriends or turned down suitors based on their browser histories, marriage and the future of the church would be doomed. From his article, it’s easy for readers to conclude: Marriage is so important that we may need to start rethinking the idea of pornography as a deal-breaker.
As an unmarried woman, I fall into the target audience for such an argument. Honestly, there’s a lot about being 39 and single that I don’t like. But as one of my friends said when discussing Regnerus’s piece, he’s asking us to capitulate to a worldview that says pornography gets to make the rules, and we just have to live with it. And there’s even less to like about that.
You Married A Moving Target
Dr. Rob Rienow explains how commitment is at the core of marriage, no matter how much the people in the marriage may change over time. This is quite opposed to the view that many hold that their spouse will always be the person they were on the day of their wedding.
You Don’t Need To Be Useful To Be Valuable
I would much—MUCH!—rather wash the feet of Jesus than have him wash my feet. I would have done something valuable. I would know I’m of use. Instead he washed my feet.
We want God to consider us as useful; instead God thinks of us as beautiful. We want God to think of us as helpful; instead God says he delights to have us as friends. We are an end in itself.
Bring Peace To Your Home With These 12 Practices
Where I saw mess and mayhem, she saw joy and contentment. A peaceful home.
Maybe there’s no easy formula, but here are 12 simple things that can help bring peace into your home:
- Speak kindly. It’s amazing how a little kindness goes a long way to setting the tone for the home…
Why The Young And The Restless Should Get Married And Make Babies
You won’t miraculously turn into a better person because you got married and had kids, obviously. But, at their essence, families are built and held together through sacrificial love, and this is something that can — if you give yourself over to it — sanctify you and bring you closer to God.
When you pour your energies and efforts into serving and loving your spouse, raising your children, and guiding your family, you’ll find that, inevitably, you grow and mature in the process.
Singleness Is Not A Disease To Be Cured
It seems to me that the evangelical church places marriage on something of a pedestal, describing it in elevated terms, and investing enormous amounts of time and resources into strengthening that institution. But there was an unintended side effect to this, that as the emphasis shifted towards the significance of marriage, the significance of singleness was minimized.
Of all institutions, church should have been the one place where single people could thrive and feel valued for who they were. After all, there is a deep respect for singleness both in the Bible and throughout church history, just as much as for marriage.
We Forgive Others Because God Forgave Us
Bryan Carter explains how forgiveness within marriage works. The principles he speaks of really apply to all relationships, not just marriage.
8 Marriage Mistakes You Can Avoid By Listening To Marriage Veterans
I am so grateful for my 25 years of marriage to my wife, Susan. My love for her has grown immensely over the years. I’ve been faithful to her. I’m very attracted to her.
I’m just one decision away from doing something really stupid that could really damage, or perhaps even destroy, our relationship. And I can tell you that I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my marriage.
Here are eight marriage mistakes I’ve made…
Good Theology Leads To Good Sex
Voddie Baucham explains why Christians often miss out on the joy of sex because of some weird teachings and cultural perceptions about it. Getting our theology straight will help us enjoy sexuality as God designed it.
How To Kill Your Irritability
Irritability. I give into it too often. It’s time to take this sin more seriously and lay it aside (Hebrews 12:1). Every time I’m irritable I burden myself with the detrimental weights of prideful selfishness and relational conflict. And as my irritation overflows on others, it burdens them too because my harsh words stir up anger in them (Proverbs 15:1).
We like to blame our irritability on someone or something else. We try to convince ourselves (and them) that they make us irritated. If they were different,we wouldn’t be irritated. Or we blame it on being tired, ill or stressed. But Paul diagnoses irritability as a heart disease; a failure to love: “Love… is not irritable” (1 Corinthians 13:5).
Blessed Are The Peacemakers, Not The Peacekeepers
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” – Jesus (Matthew 5:9)
Peacekeeping and peacemaking are two very different things. Peacekeepers try to maintain an environment where no offense occurs. They don’t resolve the underlying conflict, but merely keep a peaceful appearance on the outside. Peacemakers, on the other hand, do the arduous task of uncovering wounds and addressing them with vulnerability, honesty, and authenticity. Though it is painful, peacemaking ultimately produces healing.
You Have Two Options When Someone Wrongs You
Someone may have robbed you of some happiness, reputation, opportunity, or certain aspects of your freedom. No price tag can be put on such things, yet we still have a sense of violated justice that does not go away when the other person says, “I’m really sorry.”
When we are seriously wronged we have an indelible sense that the perpetrators have incurred a debt that must be dealt with. Once you have been wronged and you realize there is a just debt that can’t simply be dismissed-there are only two things to do.
The Best Hospitality Happens When You’re Not Dressed Up
Today’s Throwback Thursday recalls one of our favorite posts about hospitality.
Over the years, that to-do list has prepared us for hosting company, but it has also prevented us from welcoming friends in our home. Unwritten Southern rules of offering hospitality with excellence have affected how often we invite people in our home. ‘We should have the __________s over sometime.’ And then we delay or postpone the invitation. Why? Because the to-do list is always there, the gap between our day-to-day home and the presentable, acceptable-for-hospitality version of our home.
But over the past several months, Emily and I are learning to lay those conventions aside.
Attacking And Defending Courtship
Thomas Umstattd Jr. recently made a splash with his article “Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed.” To be perfectly honest, I thought a number of his points were very good, like frosted flakes in the bowl glinting in the morning light of your quiet breakfast nook. But I also thought that a number of his other points were like mushrooms that somebody stuck in there.
The way men and women get together is a grand mystery. Those who want to reduce this grand mystery to a paint-by-numbers approach, whether that safe and predictable approach is a “courtship” approach, or a clunky approach to traditional dating, are missing something important. Systems won’t solve personal problems.
There Will Be Peace In Israel When The Prince Of Peace Reigns
Salim Munayer, a Palestinian Christian, shares his story of how his family is pursuing peace with Israel. It comes through unlikely friendships and recognizing the humanity of his neighbors.
Spoiler alert: A common faith in Christ is the key to bringing peace. Also, everyone involved has to understand their primary identity as being a child of God first. All other identities (e.g. Israeli, Palestinian, etc.) are secondary.
How To Avoid Being A Clanging Cymbal
The question is actually not if you are a fake, but rather, how often? Unless you love perfectly, you are at least sometimes a fraud, a playfake, a wanna-be; you get the picture. I mean, it doesn’t get any clearer than 1 Corinthians 13:1 when Paul says,
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
We can’t be perfect at loving, but if we consistently do things without love, our faith is worthless and as fake as the healthiness of Diet Coke.
Forgiveness Is Both Costly And Necessary
If you’ve ever really forgiven somebody, forgiven some real wrong, all forgiveness is suffering. If you say “I forgave and I didn’t suffer,” it wasn’t that serious a wrong. But if you have ever really been wronged, and if you have forgiven it, then you have suffered. Because all forgiveness is a form of suffering.
Forgiveness means we pay our betrayer’s debt.
The Most Important Thing To Do In Preparation For Marriage
Having an idea of what you are looking for in a significant other is great! It means you actually took time to be honest with what you are really looking for in a relationship. But if I’m really honest with you, I think there is something more important than a list of non-negotiables.
Can you guess what it is?
The Best Hospitality Happens When You’re Not Dressed Up
Over the years, that to-do list has prepared us for hosting company, but it has also prevented us from welcoming friends in our home. Unwritten Southern rules of offering hospitality with excellence have affected how often we invite people in our home. ‘We should have the __________s over sometime.’ And then we delay or postpone the invitation. Why? Because the to-do list is always there, the gap between our day-to-day home and the presentable, acceptable-for-hospitality version of our home.
But over the past several months, Emily and I are learning to lay those conventions aside.
10 Things That Separate The Men From The Boys
#1 A man will own up to his mistakes. A boy will make excuses for them.
#2 A man will respect your purity. A boy will let his desires control him.
10 Scriptures For Strengthening Relationships
It seems we reserve our unkindest words, do our most thoughtless deeds, are the most mean to those who mean the most to us. And because those close to use care more about what we say and think, those words and actions hurt more deeply. It’s a double whammy.
Because the stakes are so high, we must ensure that our communications not only stay away from the negative, but that they lead everyone to the positive. Here are ten passages of Scripture that can be very helpful in building and maintaining strong relationships.
How Would Your Life Be Different If You Stopped Competing?
Viewing life as competition has motivated me to work harder at school, work, and personal growth. It has prompted discipline and perseverance. After all, it can be really tough to win if someone else is working harder than you.
But I am beginning to see there may be a better way to live—one that focuses less on competition and more on encouragement.
It all started with my decision to run a marathon.
The Nice Christian Coward
Nowhere in scripture will you find the command: “Go ye into all the world and be nice.”
Christian niceness is neither Christian nor nice, just like Grape Nuts is neither grape nor nuts. Jesus was direct. He showed no hint of vague, spineless, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” niceness. To the woman caught in adultery, he said she had sinned. Black and white. Clear. Unambiguous.
Jesus also spoke with grace. He said to the same woman, “Neither do I condemn you.”
Birth, Death, And The Moments In Between
It’s been less than two weeks since my baby girl Luca Gold came into the world, laying warm against my chest for the greatest and most horrific 40 minutes I’ve ever experienced. As the midwife took her stethoscope away from Goldie’s tiny chest for the last time, lowering her eyes to the ground and shaking her head, our nine month anticipation of the sounds of life quickly vanished into the haunting silence of death.
Wounds From A Friend
Men need friends. However, male friendship is harder to come by than ever. The hyper-sexualization of our culture has made it nearly impossible to cultivate intimacy and show affection among men. So, let’s forget about our culture for a minute and focus on biblical principles instead.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. – Prov 27:5
Restoration Through Repentance
With most of our PARENTS we are somewhat burdened and we enjoy complaining about our parents’ faults, barely showing love at all. We have lost hope for growing together and we’ve pretty much given up on seeing these relationships flourish. We don’t necessarily believe this is best, but ultimately we’re either too lazy or apathetic to do anything else. We have enough community and “family” from other friends that the time and energy needed to grow relationally and on mission with our biological family isn’t worth it.
I propose that this is weak, immature, and selfish.
Get Married Before You Turn 23
I got married when I was 19 years old. I was dumb, poor, and not incredibly mature (I know, hard to believe). With all of those things true, I would do it again. Below are a few reasons why every young person should at least strive for getting married young. Obviously, many of these are interconnected.
The Death Of Male Friendship
This past weekend my wife and I were discussing the sad state of modern male relationships, and then today I saw this commercial posted on Facebook. Two days ago I lamented our culture’s loss of masculine friendships and wondered aloud how it would impact my son, but this commercial makes me lament the loss for myself.